16 Brexit Christmas cracker jokes that will make or break your Xmas lunch

10:55 23 December 2016

Get ready to groan, with our Brexit Christmas cracker jokes

Get ready to groan, with our Brexit Christmas cracker jokes

Archant

Enliven your Christmas dinner by cutting out our Brexit-themed jokes and inserting them in crackers for your Leave-supporting relatives

Get ready to groan, with our Brexit Christmas cracker jokesGet ready to groan, with our Brexit Christmas cracker jokes

Why was Nigel Farage’s Christmas lunch so crap?

He banned brussels and there was no turkey despite Nigel insisting it would be admitted to the table any minute now

How many Leave voters does it take to change a lightbulb?

Get ready to groan, with our Brexit Christmas cracker jokesGet ready to groan, with our Brexit Christmas cracker jokes

One to remove the bulb and 17,410,741 to sit in the darkness and tell everyone else to get over themselves

Why didn’t Boris Johnson’s children get any Christmas presents?

He told them he was broke after giving £350million a week to the NHS

Get ready to groan, with our Brexit Christmas cracker jokesGet ready to groan, with our Brexit Christmas cracker jokes

Why is Nigel Farage banned from Father Christmas’s workshop?

Because smoking can seriously damage your elf

Why was the UKIP nativity play cancelled?

They couldn’t find three wise men

Why doesn’t Father Christmas vote UKIP?

He’s not irrationally worried about living close to a Pole

Why will Air Force One smell awful in 2017?

Because there will be a nasty Trump in the air

Why did the UKIP voter have no presents?

He sent them all back to where they came from

What does Theresa May shout while her husband is cooking the turkey?

“Baste it means baste it”

Nigel Farage, Raheem Kaseem and Arron Banks walk into a bar..

…Everyone else leaves.

Which Santa do Brexiteers hate?

Jacques Santer

How many Tory MPs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None - they’re too busy screwing the country

Why did Boris Johnson cross the road?

For personal political gain after giving David Cameron assurances that he wouldn’t go to the other side

How do you stop Leave-voting relatives hogging the TV at Christmas?

Take back the remote control

What newspaper is forecasting Britain will be swamped by mass immigration by elves?

The Polar Express

What is Boris Johnson’s least-favourite Christmas film?

Gove Actually

Latest articles

The Brex-Factor: 10 of the worst Brexiteers this week

Confused by another week in Brexit? Can’t keep up with all the insanity and inanity coming from 52% Our new weekly chart rates the no-good, the bad and the ugly from the last seven days

What happened to Frexit, Grexit, Nexit and Irexit?

Brexit was meant to light a fire under Europe and spark populist revolts across the continent. In fact, it has united it as never before – and reduced the UK to being the butt of jokes

Football violence : 9 bloodiest battles of European football

Think the north London, Merseyside or even the notorious Old Firm derbies are the pinnacle of footballing rivalries? Europe’s football hooligan clashes will shock you

May and Trump’s special relationship: Brexit will empower the US

The “special relationship” between the US and the UK has long been unbalanced. Brexit will tip the scales completely in favour of the Americans and enfeeble Britain

Populism: lowering of standards let evil in - now we must raise them again

We shouldn’t be surprised about the sudden emergence of populism. Illiberalism has deep roots. And we’ve allowed it to grow

Why are people buying Hitler’s art?

There is a thriving market for paintings by Adolf Hitler. But if the works are not valued for their artistic merit, just what is the attraction?

WIN a fantastic 5 day holiday for 2 to Iceland worth over £1100!

The New European and Newmarket Holidays are offering one lucky competition entrant the chance to discover the wonders of Iceland with a prize worth over £1100!

This is what we learned when Gove met Trump

Are we safe with a pro-Putin, anti-EU, NATO-sceptic in the White House?

Tim Farron: Lib Dems are the only choice for the 48% now

Labour and the Tories are now marching, hand in hand, towards a Hard Brexit

Brexit speech: Britain will sacrifice access to the single market

Britain will pursue a Hard Brexit and quit the European single market when it leaves the EU, Theresa May has confirmed.

The problem with the English: England doesn’t want to be just another member of a team

Brexit is the result of an English delusion, a crisis of identity resulting from a failure to come to terms with the loss of empire and the end of its own exceptionalism, argues Cambridge University professor Nicholas Boyle

Daniel Cohn-Bendit: Democracy is now paying the price for its most precious offering: Freedom

Former leader of the 1968 student protests. Daniel Cohn-Bendit explains what links those protests to Brexit and Trump, where the EU has failed and the simple way it can succeed

Monsieur L’Europe s’inquiète mais le rêve doit persister

Dany Cohn-Bendit est l’Européen par excellence.

Afghan refugees’ empowering, beautiful murals in a Greek refugee camp

These refugees used freedom of expression take back control

Like Meryl, Donald Trump is an actor – Streep gave him her professional opinion

Donald Trump, like Barack Obama before him, is an actor and Meryl Streep played the role of the critic. Playwright Bonnie Greer on an unfolding American drama

Jeremy Corbyn has noble sentiments but a muddy message on Brexit

What Brexit Britain desperately needs is a clear message from the Opposition, but the Labour leadership continues to heap chaos on top of confusion

Alastair Campbell: Corbyn’s Labour is in limbo land over Brexit

Jeremy Corbyn thinks we overdid the control freakery, says Labour’s spin doctor, but he must realise – after that flawed relaunch – that voters need to know exactly what you stand for

Trump scandal generator: Build your own fake news

Whether the allegations are all fake news or not, mix and match by taking one from each column to create your own Trump scandals... quickly, before they actually happen

Trending

E-Edition

Newsletter Sign Up