Brexfactor: Heavy petting and copy cats are dogging UKIP

PUBLISHED: 06:52 22 April 2017

Prime Minister Theresa May makes a statement in Downing Street, London, announcing a snap general election on June 8. Photo: John Stillwell/PA Wire

Prime Minister Theresa May makes a statement in Downing Street, London, announcing a snap general election on June 8. Photo: John Stillwell/PA Wire

We pick out the worst Leavers of a week in which people came together and united behind the opportunities which lie ahead. Probably.

The UKIP Paw Patrol (NEW ENTRY)

When a UKIP supporter shouts for his bulldog to come, it doesn’t necessarily mean he wants the hound to move closer. A YouGov poll has found the party’s voters are the most likely to say bestiality should be legal. Some 12% of Kippers say sex with pets is OK, proving that among their ranks, it’s not just a hungover Nigel Farage who yearns to taste the hair of the dog.

Victoria Ayling (RE-ENTRY)

They say you’ve only truly established yourself as a political force once you’ve on the radar of UKIP’s spokesperson on tourism and heritage. So it was a proud moment at TNE HQ when Ms Ayling piped up to criticise our feature on Skegness in the last issue. “If they occasionally left London they might have been less surprised that… people voted for independence,” she said of a newspaper edited in Norwich by a Scouser, abetted by a Norfolkian, a Yorkshireman and a Mancunian. Ayling last came to TNE’s attention when she exposed “metropolitan muselimunchers” planned to outlaw bacon and increase taxes “to cover the shortfall”, two populist measures we expect to see on the statute books any day now.

Andrew Haigh (NEW ENTRY)

Remember the good old days when, if you wanted to clear a ticklish cough, you could gargle with drain cleaner without the namby-pamby politically correct health and safety brigade getting on your back? UKIP’s national organiser for Wales clearly does. His company Vitalox sells a health product called Aerobic Oxygen which buyers are instructed to use as mouthwash, toothpaste or to mix in drinks. If you were that way inclined you could also use Aerobic Oxygen to bleach paper, since a chemist has told BuzzFeed that it is “reasonable to say it’s sodium chlorite or something similar” - a chemical which has described by the Food Standards Agency as “equivalent to industrial-strength bleach”.

Patrick o’Flynn (NEW ENTRY)

“Becoming clear that there was an Islamist attempt to assassinate the entire Dortmund football squad,” Tweeted the likeable UKIP East of England MEP on April 12. He’s yet to retract that, despite a right-wing group claiming responsibility for the attack in an anonymous email sent to Berlin’s Tagesspiegel paper and an investigator telling Bild: “The overall circumstances lead us to believe it’s most likely that the perpetrators have a rightwing background.”

Christopher Adams

The Buckinghamshire county councillor, who came second to Tory David Liddington in Aylesbury at the last general election, is unlikely to gain a seat this time around after being fined £994 for fraudulently using a family friend’s disabled blue parking badge. Prosecutors said the 50-year-old used the badge to park in Portsmouth city centre and told a warden he had been unable to find alternative parking, despite being round the corner from a multistorey. He then claimed the badge holder was waiting nearby to be picked up, but when the warden accompanied him to meet them, the friend was nowhere to be seen. Adams is then said to have told the warden: “I’ve been a naughty boy.”

Aaron Foot (NEW ENTRY)

UKIP’s candidate for West of England metro mayor produced a leaflet in a format remarkably similar to that used by the Green Party for all candidates. Caught out by Green campaigner Dan Johnston, who posted the images above on his @GreenDanJ Twitter account, the Kippers responded with a statement saying they were “horrified” to be associated with a party “whose contribution to culture is the recipe for knitted yoghurt”. So, in effect, they were defending plagiarism of someone else’s design from 2017 with plagiarism of a joke first made by Alexei Sayle in 1982. D’oh!

Roger Helmer (RE-ENTRY)

The serially incorrect UKIP MEP, famously photographed ‘resting his eyes’ in the EU Parliament chamber (picture below), felt duty bound to respond when he spotted a Tweet depicting a Guardian column asking ‘Why should a heart surgeon earn more than a McDonald’s employee?’ Wrote Roger: “Availability. Scarcity. Years of training. Responsibility. Need I go on?” Would that he had, because Roger was actually arguing with Godfrey Elfwick, who is a parody leftist but (last time we checked) is not an actual Guardian columnist.

Unnamed UKIP council hopeful (NEW ENTRY)

An electoral miracle in the west Suffolk town of Haverhill, which has become a happy hunting ground for UKIP in recent years. The party has five seats and looked set to retain one in Haverhill North at the upcoming council elections. The only opposition was set to come from Labour, holders of only two of 72 council seats in the whole of the region. Alas, the Kippers’ nameless candidate wrote ‘UKIP’ rather than ‘UK Independence Party’ on their nomination form and was immediately disqualified under Electoral Commission rules, meaning that on May 4 the seat will automatically go to Labour’s Liz Smith and be hailed by Jeremy Corbyn as a major breakthrough for real socialism. UKIP described the fiasco as a “minor clerical error”, and we look forward to many more creative excuses to come once the predicted 100-seat meltdown takes place.

Paul Dacre and Tony Gallagher (RE-ENTRIES)

Even before turning their fire on the ‘saboteurs’, the Mail and Sun were living down to their usual standards. Both tut-tutted over hooliganism before a Champions League clash, Dacre’s Mail noting “ugly scenes last night in Madrid as drunken Leicester City fans sang an obscene song claiming Gibraltar as British” as Gallagher’s Sun reported that “footage has emerged showing some supporters chanting ‘you Spanish b*******, Gibraltar is ours’ while smoke bombs and flares were let off in a litter-strewn square”. Oddly enough neither story mentioned newspaper headlines - like the Mail’s ‘Next Time Send An Armada’ and the Sun’s ‘Up Yours Senors’ - which might just have helped embolden Leicester-supporting readers to behave in this way.

Theresa May (RE-ENTRY)

Senses that the nation is coming together behind Brexit, despite opinion polls (which don’t include pro-Remain Northern Ireland) showing little or no movement at all. Hints that the big man upstairs (God, not husband Philip) is a bit of a Leaver. Channels Emperor Palpatine by saying she needs our votes to “make me stronger”. Contradicts herself by calling an election when she said countless times that she wouldn’t. Blames Labour for her own cynical opportunism. Dislocates jaw on TV to eat live guinea pig (apologies - that’s now scheduled for NEXT week).

Support The New European's vital role as a voice for the 48%

The New European is proud of its journalism and we hope you are proud of it too. We believe our voice is important - both in representing the pro-EU perspective and also to help rebalance the right wing extremes of much of the UK national press. If you value what we are doing, you can help us by making a contribution to the cost of our journalism.

  • Become a friend of The New European for a contribution of £48. You will qualify for a mention in our newspaper (should you wish)
  • Become a partner of The New European for a contribution of £240. You will qualify for a mention in our newspaper (should you wish) and receive a New European Branded Pen and Notebook
  • Become a patron of The New European for a contribution of £480. You will qualify for a mention in our newspaper (should you wish) and receive a New European Branded Pen and Notebook and an A3 print of The New European front cover of your choice, signed by Editor Matt Kelly

By proceeding, you agree to the New Europeans supporters club Terms & Conditions which can be found here.

Supporter Options

Mention Me in The New European

If Yes, Name to appear in The New European

Latest articles

This was neither up-to-date nor a poll. And not a single participant voiced their support for Hard Brexit

A recent poll by well-regarded academics suggested the vast majority of the British public now backed an extreme form of Brexit. Here‘s why that is not the case.

Parliament is filled with “spineless lemmings”

Brexit may not happen at all – when what we need are leaders, not followers, to win this battle

Leave.EU launch deselection bid in hope of dumping soft Brexit ministers out of their jobs

Leave.EU have launched a broadside on cabinet Remainers Chancellor Philip Hammond and Home Secretary Amber Rudd in a bid to get the pair deselected.

Edward Enninful brings a new way of fashion thinking to Vogue

Fashion can be considered frivolous and in some ways it is.

My sense of humour failure over Brexit has helped clear Scotch mist

I don’t blame the Scots if Brexit leads them to want another shot at independence

The extraordinary story of how the humble spud created the modern world

The rise of capitalism and individualism in the West, and even the current reforms in China, can all be explained by the rise of the potato

Putin is just waiting for the right moment to spear Trump

Vlad the Lad is the supreme master of the macho man holiday snap...

The lesson of Singapore is not one Brexiteers want to hear

Long considered a lodestar of go-it-alone globalisation, Singapore now needs its neighbours more than ever

Truman vs. Macarthur brought the world to the brink as war raged over Korea

The dispute was an ominous warning of problems for our time over where ultimate power lies in the US

EU funding: Brexit’s other looming cliff edge

The loss of EU funding used to help poorer parts of the UK has had far less attention than other ill effects of Brexit. But it will soon be hard to ignore the problem.

Brexiteers, Trump America and the corruption of nostalgia

Manufactured nostalgia always has a political end. Its aim is to create new foot soldiers for The New Vision.

Generation Brexit: Why the young should fear the old

As the realities of Brexit and its economic impact become clearer, alarming generational splits are emerging

Thunder run to Seoul: North Korea’s war plan

As tensions in the Korean peninsula have risen, various apocalyptic scenarios for how a potential conflict might unfold have emerged.

There is no such thing as ‘fake news’

The news industry has a trust problem.

The Brexit vote has created a united Ireland, at least when it comes to the border

New Irish premier Leo Varadkar will play a defining role

Hamburg is the heartbeat of modern Germany

A seamy, subversive, self confident city, Hamburg is also a symbol of an outward-looking Germany

British industry: Brexit fiddles while the economy burns

Even without the complications of Brexit, Britain’s economy is in serious peril. But with attention elsewhere, is anyone in power actually listening?

Unis have grown fat on fees - what happens when the money stops?

The architect of the Labour’s introduction of student fees says the money charged is now nothing more than vice-chancellors profiteering

Enter the Senex: Leader of the Age of Anxiety

An idea for a movie that once upon a time no one would buy – because it was too improbable.

Oxford and Cambridge unis say Theresa May must confirm post-Brexit rights for EU students

A powerful group of universities is demanding urgent action from the Government amid heightened “anxiety” over Brexit.


Watch us on YouTube

6 excellent reasons to go out and buy The New European this week

Views: 162

The rollercoaster ride of Theresa May's plummeting approval ratings

Views: 576

A year of failure and fiasco in May’s Number 10

Views: 396


Newsletter Sign Up

Sign up to receive our regular email newsletter