Brexfactor: Heavy petting and copy cats are dogging UKIP

PUBLISHED: 06:52 22 April 2017

Prime Minister Theresa May makes a statement in Downing Street, London, announcing a snap general election on June 8. Photo: John Stillwell/PA Wire

Prime Minister Theresa May makes a statement in Downing Street, London, announcing a snap general election on June 8. Photo: John Stillwell/PA Wire

We pick out the worst Leavers of a week in which people came together and united behind the opportunities which lie ahead. Probably.

The UKIP Paw Patrol (NEW ENTRY)

When a UKIP supporter shouts for his bulldog to come, it doesn’t necessarily mean he wants the hound to move closer. A YouGov poll has found the party’s voters are the most likely to say bestiality should be legal. Some 12% of Kippers say sex with pets is OK, proving that among their ranks, it’s not just a hungover Nigel Farage who yearns to taste the hair of the dog.

Victoria Ayling (RE-ENTRY)

They say you’ve only truly established yourself as a political force once you’ve on the radar of UKIP’s spokesperson on tourism and heritage. So it was a proud moment at TNE HQ when Ms Ayling piped up to criticise our feature on Skegness in the last issue. “If they occasionally left London they might have been less surprised that… people voted for independence,” she said of a newspaper edited in Norwich by a Scouser, abetted by a Norfolkian, a Yorkshireman and a Mancunian. Ayling last came to TNE’s attention when she exposed “metropolitan muselimunchers” planned to outlaw bacon and increase taxes “to cover the shortfall”, two populist measures we expect to see on the statute books any day now.

Andrew Haigh (NEW ENTRY)

Remember the good old days when, if you wanted to clear a ticklish cough, you could gargle with drain cleaner without the namby-pamby politically correct health and safety brigade getting on your back? UKIP’s national organiser for Wales clearly does. His company Vitalox sells a health product called Aerobic Oxygen which buyers are instructed to use as mouthwash, toothpaste or to mix in drinks. If you were that way inclined you could also use Aerobic Oxygen to bleach paper, since a chemist has told BuzzFeed that it is “reasonable to say it’s sodium chlorite or something similar” - a chemical which has described by the Food Standards Agency as “equivalent to industrial-strength bleach”.

Patrick o’Flynn (NEW ENTRY)

“Becoming clear that there was an Islamist attempt to assassinate the entire Dortmund football squad,” Tweeted the likeable UKIP East of England MEP on April 12. He’s yet to retract that, despite a right-wing group claiming responsibility for the attack in an anonymous email sent to Berlin’s Tagesspiegel paper and an investigator telling Bild: “The overall circumstances lead us to believe it’s most likely that the perpetrators have a rightwing background.”

Christopher Adams

The Buckinghamshire county councillor, who came second to Tory David Liddington in Aylesbury at the last general election, is unlikely to gain a seat this time around after being fined £994 for fraudulently using a family friend’s disabled blue parking badge. Prosecutors said the 50-year-old used the badge to park in Portsmouth city centre and told a warden he had been unable to find alternative parking, despite being round the corner from a multistorey. He then claimed the badge holder was waiting nearby to be picked up, but when the warden accompanied him to meet them, the friend was nowhere to be seen. Adams is then said to have told the warden: “I’ve been a naughty boy.”

Aaron Foot (NEW ENTRY)

UKIP’s candidate for West of England metro mayor produced a leaflet in a format remarkably similar to that used by the Green Party for all candidates. Caught out by Green campaigner Dan Johnston, who posted the images above on his @GreenDanJ Twitter account, the Kippers responded with a statement saying they were “horrified” to be associated with a party “whose contribution to culture is the recipe for knitted yoghurt”. So, in effect, they were defending plagiarism of someone else’s design from 2017 with plagiarism of a joke first made by Alexei Sayle in 1982. D’oh!

Roger Helmer (RE-ENTRY)

The serially incorrect UKIP MEP, famously photographed ‘resting his eyes’ in the EU Parliament chamber (picture below), felt duty bound to respond when he spotted a Tweet depicting a Guardian column asking ‘Why should a heart surgeon earn more than a McDonald’s employee?’ Wrote Roger: “Availability. Scarcity. Years of training. Responsibility. Need I go on?” Would that he had, because Roger was actually arguing with Godfrey Elfwick, who is a parody leftist but (last time we checked) is not an actual Guardian columnist.

Unnamed UKIP council hopeful (NEW ENTRY)

An electoral miracle in the west Suffolk town of Haverhill, which has become a happy hunting ground for UKIP in recent years. The party has five seats and looked set to retain one in Haverhill North at the upcoming council elections. The only opposition was set to come from Labour, holders of only two of 72 council seats in the whole of the region. Alas, the Kippers’ nameless candidate wrote ‘UKIP’ rather than ‘UK Independence Party’ on their nomination form and was immediately disqualified under Electoral Commission rules, meaning that on May 4 the seat will automatically go to Labour’s Liz Smith and be hailed by Jeremy Corbyn as a major breakthrough for real socialism. UKIP described the fiasco as a “minor clerical error”, and we look forward to many more creative excuses to come once the predicted 100-seat meltdown takes place.

Paul Dacre and Tony Gallagher (RE-ENTRIES)

Even before turning their fire on the ‘saboteurs’, the Mail and Sun were living down to their usual standards. Both tut-tutted over hooliganism before a Champions League clash, Dacre’s Mail noting “ugly scenes last night in Madrid as drunken Leicester City fans sang an obscene song claiming Gibraltar as British” as Gallagher’s Sun reported that “footage has emerged showing some supporters chanting ‘you Spanish b*******, Gibraltar is ours’ while smoke bombs and flares were let off in a litter-strewn square”. Oddly enough neither story mentioned newspaper headlines - like the Mail’s ‘Next Time Send An Armada’ and the Sun’s ‘Up Yours Senors’ - which might just have helped embolden Leicester-supporting readers to behave in this way.

Theresa May (RE-ENTRY)

Senses that the nation is coming together behind Brexit, despite opinion polls (which don’t include pro-Remain Northern Ireland) showing little or no movement at all. Hints that the big man upstairs (God, not husband Philip) is a bit of a Leaver. Channels Emperor Palpatine by saying she needs our votes to “make me stronger”. Contradicts herself by calling an election when she said countless times that she wouldn’t. Blames Labour for her own cynical opportunism. Dislocates jaw on TV to eat live guinea pig (apologies - that’s now scheduled for NEXT week).

Support The New European's vital role as a voice for the 48%

The New European is proud of its journalism and we hope you are proud of it too. We believe our voice is important - both in representing the pro-EU perspective and also to help rebalance the right wing extremes of much of the UK national press. If you value what we are doing, you can help us by making a contribution to the cost of our journalism.

  • Become a friend of The New European for a contribution of £48. You will qualify for a mention in our newspaper (should you wish)
  • Become a partner of The New European for a contribution of £240. You will qualify for a mention in our newspaper (should you wish) and receive a New European Branded Pen and Notebook
  • Become a patron of The New European for a contribution of £480. You will qualify for a mention in our newspaper (should you wish) and receive a New European Branded Pen and Notebook and an A3 print of The New European front cover of your choice, signed by Editor Matt Kelly

By proceeding, you agree to the New Europeans supporters club Terms & Conditions which can be found here.

Supporter Options

Mention Me in The New European

If Yes, Name to appear in The New European

Latest articles

Here’s what will happen after Brexit if you’re an EU national

7 things you need to know about the Government’s offer to protect the rights of EU nationals living in the UK after Brexit.

Nothing has exposed May more starkly than her response to Grenfell

After the tower block disaster the mask has once again fallen for embattled Prime Minister

This isn’t an Orwell book: Leadsom’s calls for patriotic press are ‘sinister’

Tim Farron slams Andrea Leadsom over ‘stupid’ calls for ‘patriotic’ Brexit broadcasting

Powerless in the face of Putin: a real danger to security in Europe

Mired in their own troubles, both Britain and the US have abandoned their duty to stand up to Russia

Lily Allen: We can’t gaslight an entire community like this... That’s what’s happening

In the area around Grenfell Tower shock and grief is giving way to anger and tension. Lily Allen, has volunteered there every day since the disaster

Brexit 2027: This is the UK 10 years on

If you think Brexit has been a disaster after just a year, imagine the damage it will do in a decade

Khan tells May: You need to “wake up and smell the coffee over Hard Brexit plans

Theresa May needs to “wake up and smell the coffee” and accept that the British public has rejected her plans for Brexit, Sadiq Khan said.

Nick Clegg: How to guard against ‘strong man’ politics

In an uncertain global landscape, the former deputy prime minister outlines reforms needed to safeguard the international order against nationalism and ‘strong man’ politics

Over dinner Tories sharpen the knives

Dinner table debate with Tory voters offers fascinating food for thought…

Theresa May is risking Ireland’s future

The Conservatives deal with the DUP risks undermining the delicate balance of power-sharing in Northern Ireland, says leading Sinn Féin figure

Psychology of Brexit: Simplicity

For what do people want more than anything else? It’s not the policies or the ideology, the big political personalities or the budget details, but more than anything they want the roulette wheel to stop turning.

Some joker organised Theresa May’s leaving drinks and 177k people RSVP’d

No plans on June 30? A Facebook event to give the PM a “happy send off” after a difficult year is proving to be seriously popular

Keep moaning. Keep sabotaging. Keep resisting

The Conservatives have been exposed as the opportunistic self-serving incompetents that they are.

Theresa May’s deal with the DUP to prop up her ailing Conservative administration is in doubt

With a critical Queen’s Speech looming the Northern Irish hardliners continue to play hardball for improved terms to vote with the Tories in the House of Commons.

Nicola vs. Ruth: Get set for biggest face off in politics

The seemingly sure-footed Nicola Sturgeon may have misjudged the post-Brexit mood.

Mrs May and her gay-hating mates

The kingmakers of Theresa May’s diminished government, the Democratic Unionist Party, hold some very controversial views

Two divorce lawyers have given their professional advice for Brexit talks

“After Brexit, the sooner we can reach the point of acceptance about our future the better.”

David Davis wants a Brexit deal ‘like no other in history’

Brexit Secretary David Davis will call for a “deal like no other in history” as he heads to Brussels to launch negotiations for Britain’s exit from the European Union.

Austerity may be over, but Brexit means it won’t feel like it

Inflation and prices are rising, real wages falling. We’re all going to feel the squeeze.

What will it take for black and Asian Tories to realise their party fears and loathes diversity?

There is no place in the Conservative Party for 
ethnic minorities

Watch us on YouTube

Boris Johnson is clear as mud on Brexit talks

Views: 1106

Tim Farron steps down as Lib Dem leader

Views: 243

Jeremy Corbyn schools Theresa May on strong and stable leadership...

Views: 718



Newsletter Sign Up

Sign up to receive our regular email newsletter