Brexfactor: Lunacy turns sinister in this week’s parade

PUBLISHED: 12:41 19 May 2017

(PA images)

(PA images)

Archant

We pick out the wrong and unstable leavers of the week

10. Boris Johnson

Granted a rare day release from Lynton Crosby’s secure facility, the Foreign Secretary visited a market in Newport and told a comic book seller that his favourite character was The Hulk.

No clue why Boris should relate to Bruce Banner, an intellectual who transforms into a irrational, mindless, destructive force and regularly wakes up to find his trousers shredded. But fair play to the comics salesman, who told Johnson: “If you don’t mind me saying, you’re halfway there already.”

9. Daniel Hannan

Some have hailed the MEP for South East England as the Tories’ ‘brain of Brexit’. It’s a sobriquet they might want to reconsider after reading his musings on record levels of food bank use, which he calls “the go-to prop for people who lack actual statistics.... if you’re determined to point to rising penury, and can find no other data to sustain your hunch, you’ll jab at whatever you can. ‘Food bank use is at record level!’ Yes. So is smartphone use, and for the same reason: neither existed 20 years ago.”

One might also note that fuckwittery has risen significantly in the 45-plus years since Hannan was born in Lima, Peru – a notorious haven for immigrants hell-bent on coming over here to eat all our marmalade sandwiches. But let’s just point out that since Labour left office in 2010, the number of three-day emergency supplies given by Trussell Trust foodbanks in a single year has risen from 61,468 to 1,182,954.

So Hannan is wrong and the simple fact is food bank use IS at record levels. Why? No doubt he would say it’s down to an expanding number of food bank centres. But it’s also because people are hungry.

8. Glenn Preedy

Perhaps inspired by Boris Johnson’s love of The Hulk, UKIP’s vice-chairman in the north east turned up for a live television debate with councillors from the three main parties nattily dressed in a T-shirt from 2011 comic book movie flop The Green Lantern. The film, which leading man Ryan Reynolds concedes “just didn’t work”, lost £70m at the box office – which Glenn and Boris would no doubt say we could have given to the NHS instead.

7. Paul Nuttall

The far right’s Mr Bean used a Sunday Telegraph interview to assert that he would remain UKIP leader after June 8’s cataclysm-in-waiting, in order to ‘professionalise’ the party. An interesting choice of words for Nuttall, who earlier this year was forced to remove from his website two references to being a ‘professional footballer’, when Tranmere Rovers pointed out that was untrue.

That led to a memorable confession on The Andrew Marr Show, when Tweedledumb Paul said he had ‘never claimed to be professional’. As if to prove it, Nuttall followed his Telegraph interview by climbing into a big bus with claims about higher NHS funding after Brexit on the side (this has always worked out well in the past), which then got stuck down on a narrow lane in the Lincolnshire village of Stickford.

6. Kirsty Adams

The Tory challenger in marginal Hove and Portslade has a novel approach to Brexit – she won’t tell voters how she feels about it. The former Bedford councillor told the local Argus newspaper: “I didn’t campaign for the outs and I didn’t campaign for the ins. I think we’ve got to look to the future and that’s what I’m about.” Asked which way she’d voted in the referendum, she replied: “I’m not going to answer that question.”

While refusing them a glimpse of her beliefs, Adams did give locals a look into her kitchen and garage when she hinted that a post-Brexit Britain would not be subject to punitive tariffs from the remaining EU members. She explained: “On a practical level, in my house all my white goods are German. And that’s because they don’t break down. And my car is German. And it doesn’t break down. So I think it’s in the best interests of Germany and other countries to make sure they get a good deal and we get a good deal.”

And if the Germans won’t listen, she has a trick up her sleeve. In 2010 the devout Christian claimed to have healed a deaf man with her bare hands by placing them over his ears and saying: ‘Be healed in Jesus’ name.’ Someone send her to dinner with Juncker immediately!

5. Kate Hoey

The twizzle-haired Brexiteer, standing again for Labour in Vauxhall, airbrushed Lib Dem rival George Turner out of a picture of them both at a children’s event, yet forgot to remove his legs, which could be clearly seen at the bottom of the photo.

Hopefully Kate will experience her own feeling of being cut off at the knees on June 8 and can head into retirement on another boat trip with Nigel Farage, like a latter-day Babs & Sid in Carry On Cruising Over The Brexit Falls.

4. James Delingpole

The self-styled ‘God Emperor’ of alt-right drivel dumpster Breitbart London delighted social media at 22:08 on Monday when he Tweeted simply ‘Pictures of dogs having sex’. Was Delingpole, whose climate-denying, Tommy Robinson-excusing work has graced Mail Online and The Spectator, merely repeating a catchphrase from E4 show Bad Robots? Or, as several followers suggested, had he temporarily mistaken Twitter for Google?

Perhaps we shall never know the truth, so for now let’s just congratulate Twitter user @thewaether for pointing out that ‘James Delingpole’ is an anagram of ‘Male Dog Penis Jel’.

3. Richard Littlejohn

When is something which seems at first glance grossly distorted and borderline racist not actually so? When it’s a ‘comedy reimagining’ of the New York Times’ £4,600 ‘Brexit tours’ of the UK written for the Daily Mail by ageing gorblimey merchant Richard Littlejohn, of course!

To use language Richard would understand, there’s more dog-whistling in this one column than you’d find in all four days at Crufts. Here come ‘several dozen planeloads of asylum-seekers from the Third World’! There goes ‘the fast-track lanes… reserved for visitors from… Romania and Bulgaria’! Did you know that ‘very few people in London speak English as a first language any more’ or that in London hotels you’ll ‘be sharing a bedroom and toilet facilities with recently arrived New Britons from more than 23 different countries, including Afghanistan and the Yemen. If you see any unusual activity, such as bomb-making, please stay calm.’

As someone whom Richard Littlejohn makes look like Woody Allen once quipped, and there’s more. Hyde Park has an ‘authentic Roma gipsy camp’ where you’re likely to be pickpocketed! The police who turn up to help wear uniforms ‘designed to attract recruits from the transgender community’! Then, in Parliament Square the officers come under attack as ‘thousands of embittered Remain campaigners in Guy Fawkes masks and intifada headscarfs throw petrol bombs… because the Brexit vote didn’t go the way they wanted’! Hope you remembered to wear dark trousers and gaffa tape your sides before reading, because this stuff is COMEDY GOLD!

They pulled down the final curtain on Littlejohn’s beloved White Hart Lane last weekend. How long before the Mail’s only demolition unit wields its wrecking ball on another roomy edifice long since past being fit for purpose, the man himself.

2. Nick Harrington

Like Scooch and Jemini before him, the Tory councillor and former magistrate had his career ended by the Eurovision Song Contest. Clearly disappointed when Lucie Jones got the dreaded nul points from one of our neighbours, Harrington Tweeted: “Thanks Ireland. You can keep your f’king gypsies! Hard border coming folks.”

After a photo later emerged of a golly-style scarecrow apparently made by Harrington, along with remarks in which he compared it to Olympic gold medallist Christine Ohuruogu, he resigned from the bench and was suspended by his party for six months. Wonder what he’s got planned for the Brits.

1. Nigel Farage

The former UKIP leader ended an appearance at Eastleigh’s Concorde Club by warning the audience that while he was enjoying semi-retirement, ‘if they don’t deliver this Brexit that I’ve spent 25 years of my life working for then I will be forced to don khaki, pick up my rifle and head for the front line.’

The military metaphor seemed to go down well with the £60-a-head audience; it sounded extraordinarily crass to the rest of us who remember that during the referendum 11 months earlier, Farage laid flowers in Parliament Square for a 
woman killed with a rifle by a man in khaki.

Support The New European's vital role as a voice for the 48%

The New European is proud of its journalism and we hope you are proud of it too. We believe our voice is important - both in representing the pro-EU perspective and also to help rebalance the right wing extremes of much of the UK national press. If you value what we are doing, you can help us by making a contribution to the cost of our journalism.

  • Become a friend of The New European for a contribution of £48. You will qualify for a mention in our newspaper (should you wish)
  • Become a partner of The New European for a contribution of £240. You will qualify for a mention in our newspaper (should you wish) and receive a New European Branded Pen and Notebook
  • Become a patron of The New European for a contribution of £480. You will qualify for a mention in our newspaper (should you wish) and receive a New European Branded Pen and Notebook and an A3 print of The New European front cover of your choice, signed by Editor Matt Kelly

By proceeding, you agree to the New Europeans supporters club Terms & Conditions which can be found here.



Supporter Options

Mention Me in The New European



If Yes, Name to appear in The New European



Latest Articles

Monday, October 23, 2017

Jeremy Corbyn has called the Prime Minister’s Brexit update “Groundhog Day” and warned her biggest battle is with the “warring” Tory factions rather than the EU.

Monday, October 23, 2017

Few footballing powers have fallen as far as the Dutch. NEIL JENSEN asks if there is any way out of the downward spiral

Monday, October 23, 2017

The killing of an investigative journalist reveals another side to Malta, says BRAD BLITZ. But her investigations spread beyond the island’s shores – and so do implications of her murder

Friday, October 20, 2017

US editor PAUL CONNEW on what the Weinstein revelations could mean for Donald Trump's beleaguered administration

Friday, October 20, 2017

Our editor-at-large on his new party piece: the speech the PM should have made to her party conference

Friday, October 20, 2017

The ‘missing billions’ are a red herring, says ANGELA JAMESON. There are bigger things to worry about

Friday, October 20, 2017

The Leave trajectory has run into the sand, says JANE MERRICK. Now it is not just a ‘no deal’ that is on the cards, it’s a ‘no Brexit’

Friday, October 20, 2017

The comedian, musician and writer on the disgraced Hollywood mogul

Friday, October 20, 2017

STEVE ANGLESEY rounds up the losers and losers (because there are no winners) of another crazy seven days on Planet Brexit

Thursday, October 19, 2017

Theresa May’s refusal to tell a radio phone-in show how she would vote in a new Brexit referendum was a new low for the Maybot. Her interrogator IAIN DALE recalls the moment he put the question to her, and his surprise at her failure to answer it

Thursday, October 19, 2017

RICHARD PORRITT on the week's big talking points

Thursday, October 19, 2017

Why ‘no deal’ doesn’t work as a negotiating tactic, says JONATHAN POWELL – the man who helped negotiate peace in Northern Ireland

Thursday, October 19, 2017

Brexit, and a careless attitude towards British influence in NATO, will consign the country to the margins and weaken the cornerstone of our defence, argues GEORGE ROBERTSON, the former NATO Secretary General

Wednesday, October 18, 2017

New Ukip leader Henry Bolton named the party's new 'shadow cabinet' today - and what a bunch they are

Tuesday, October 17, 2017

Catalonians against self-rule came out in their thousands the weekend before last.

Tuesday, October 17, 2017

It might seem quixotic, at a time when Spain looks like it is falling apart, but could the country’s future lie in a union with neighbour Portugal? DAVID BARKER investigates ‘Iberism’

Tuesday, October 17, 2017

ALEXANDRA HADDOW on the Nordic trendsetters who have style sussed

Tuesday, October 17, 2017

A second referendum that reverses Brexit would have a "positive" and "significant" impact on the UK economy, which is on track to be crippled by its EU divorce, an influential think tank claimed today.

Tuesday, October 17, 2017

Making money is no longer enough for firms, say ANGELA JAMESON

Tuesday, October 17, 2017

The question, in a quiet voice, came from a woman in the audience at the Henley Festival’s Brexit debate, in a quiet voice: “So what do I tell my children now? They planned to live and work for a time in Europe. What now?”

Tuesday, October 17, 2017

Millions of families already struggling with soaring prices could end up being another £500 worse off if Britain crashes out of the European Union without a deal, according to a report.

Monday, October 16, 2017

A day of action across the UK saw thousands of people take to the streets to demand Brexit is stopped.

Friday, October 13, 2017

People have been asking me if I know Simon Brodkin, the character-comedian/prankster who interrupted the Prime Minister’s conference speech to hand her a mock redundancy notice.

Friday, October 13, 2017

Angela Merkel’s power has taken a blow in the wake of the German election. Here Tony Paterson reports from Berlin on the new shape of German politics.

Tuesday, October 10, 2017

Roland Garros had every intention of pursuing a career as a concert pianist. An air show outside Reims during the late summer of 1909 changed all that.

Wednesday, October 11, 2017

The Chancellor has admitted no Brexit deal could leave planes grounded in March 2019.

Tuesday, October 10, 2017

The Catalonian crisis has put Europe, as well as Spain, in jeopardy, says PAUL KNOTT.

Tuesday, October 10, 2017

It’s not a stretch to say that the economics of digital advertising are to blame for disasters like Brexit and Trump.

Tuesday, October 10, 2017

Boris Johnson is desperate to get into Number 10 – but it seems the Prime Minister has other ideas.

Tuesday, October 10, 2017

We’re living in the Age of Cool Dad, with politicians obsessed with burnishing their pop culture credentials, says SAMIRA AHMED.

Monday, October 9, 2017

Theresa May has claimed “the ball is in their court” in a statement to the House of Commons updating MPs on the Brexit negotiations. Brussels, however, disagree.

Monday, October 9, 2017

By attempting to quash the result before it was even known, Madrid has made the case for Catalan independence all but unanswerable.

Monday, October 9, 2017

Lawyers have told the Government that Article 50 is not binding and can be scrapped at any time before the March 2019 deadline, it has been claimed.

Monday, October 9, 2017

The deluded fantasies of Leavers must have been inspired by the big screen says Have I Got News For You writer NATHANIEL TAPLEY. Here, he brings you the most Brexity films of all time.

Monday, October 9, 2017

France might be home of its most famous race, but Italy is the country with cycling in its DNA. To find out why, Patrick Sawer makes a tearful pilgrimage to its shrine to the sport.

Sunday, October 8, 2017

Trieste, the city which has survived centuries of seductive illusions.

Sunday, October 8, 2017

As ambitions go, Lee Humphries’ is an unusual, if lofty, one – to ascend the highest points of 100 different countries. As he crests the halfway mark in his quest, he explains all to Julian Shea.

Friday, October 6, 2017

PETER TRUDGILL traces the clockwork progress of the word ‘orange’ from southern India to northern Europe, and finds the odd detour.

Friday, October 6, 2017

JUSTIN REYNOLDS on the Thomas Mann novel which tried to make sense of the descent of Europe’s most cultured nation into Nazism.

Thursday, October 5, 2017

In the days before Stephen Paddock reignited America’s gun control debate by raining down rapid fire carnage on the Las Vegas strip, a familiar voice was again calling the shots inside Donald Trump’s head.

Podcast

Trending

Newsletter Sign Up

Sign up to receive our regular email newsletter