21 Brexit Christmas cracker jokes that will make or break your Xmas lunch

Boris Johnson pulls a Christmas cracker. Photograph: YouTube.

Boris Johnson pulls a Christmas cracker. Photograph: YouTube. - Credit: Archant

Enliven your Christmas dinner by cutting out our Brexit-themed jokes and inserting them in crackers for your Leave-supporting relatives.

Why was Nigel Farage's Christmas lunch so crap?

He banned brussels and there was no turkey despite Nigel insisting it would be admitted to the table any minute now.

How many Leave voters does it take to change a lightbulb?

One to remove the bulb and 17,410,741 to sit in the darkness and tell everyone else to get over themselves.

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Brexit walks into a bar.

The Barman says: "Why the long farce?"

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An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar.

But the Englishman wanted to leave so everybody had to

Why is Nigel Farage banned from Father Christmas's workshop?

Because smoking can seriously damage your elf

Why was the Brexit Party nativity play cancelled?

They couldn't find three wise men

Why doesn't Father Christmas vote for the Brexit Party?

He's not irrationally worried about living close to a Pole

Why does Boris Johnson have so many children?

Because he refuses to acknowledge that pulling out never works.

Why doesn't Jeremy Corbyn ever visit Santa?

Because he struggles in the poles.

Why did Nigel Farage get no presents?

He sent them all back to where they came from.

What's the difference between Rudolph's nose and David Cameron's autobiography?

Only one will be red at Christmas.

Boris Johnson, Nigel Farage and Mark Francois walk into a bar...

… Everyone else leaves.

There's gonna be a 50p coin commemorating Brexit

They just can't decide what to do with the border.

What is a Brexiteer's favourite festive film?

The Nightmare Before Christmas.

What do The Sound of Music at Christmas and Nigel Farage have in common?

Only a small cult following want to see it, but it just keeps coming back, repeating itself.

How many Tory MPs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None - they're too busy screwing the country

Nigel Farage goes into his pub and asks for a pint.

The barman draws it and throws it into his face.

"Why did you do that?" Nigel asks.

"You asked for a pint," the barman says. "But you didn't say how you wanted it delivered."

Farage replies: "Okay, I'll have a pint in a pint glass"

"No. You can't ask again," the barman says.

"Why not?" Farage asks.

"Democracy," the barman replies.

How do you stop Leave-voting relatives hogging the TV at Christmas?

Take back the remote control

How did the Brexit chicken cross the road?

I never said there was a road. Or a chicken.

How can you tell if you are at a Brexit party this Christmas?

Because everyone wants to leave.

What newspaper is forecasting Britain will be swamped by mass immigration by elves?

The Polar Express

  • Send in your jokes to theneweuropean@archant.co.uk

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