What's next for Laurence Fox after London mayor fiasco?

Lawrence Fox, Reclaim party Mayor of London candidate, and Leo Kearse, Reclaim party candidate for Glasgow Pollock

Lawrence Fox, Reclaim party Mayor of London candidate, and Leo Kearse, Reclaim party candidate for Glasgow Pollock - Credit: Photo by Peter Summers/Getty Images

Will Laurence Fox end up with a radio job after the London mayoral elections?

BITTER BLOW OF THE WEEK

Like many of you, I’m sure, I have spent the last few days trying to recover from what must surely be the most savage disappointment ever to be inflicted upon the progressive caucus in this country.

I do not refer to such trifling matters as the Hartlepool by-election; nor indeed to what appears to be the general shoring up of the Conservative Party’s electoral advantage in this country… 

I speak, of course of the devastating blow of having to watch Count Binface failing to score more votes than Laurence Fox in the London mayoral election.

I think I speak for most of my fellow liberal smartarses when I say that we would have been willing to endure even the spectacle of watching Sadiq Khan being defenestrated (although I’m sure most of us breathed a cavernous sigh of relief when he wasn’t) if it could only have meant seeing the Evil Mirror Universe Paul Bettany limping in behind a man in a comedy Darth Vader costume with a bucket on his head.

Alas, it was not to be, although he did come in behind a YouTube celebrity whose principal campaign platform was cheaper Freddo bars, so there is that, I suppose.

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It is quite the resumé that the Fail-tastic Mr Fox is building up, though; he can now add failed politician to failed actor and failed musician on his impressively uniform CV. What will he fail at next? In which new field will he go on to demonstrate his effortless inadequacy?

The smart money is of course on radio phone-in host, although let’s be honest, we all rather hope it’s kickboxing.



FANTASY JOB OF THE WEEK

While it was only to be expected that Keir Starmer would announce a cabinet reshuffle in the wake of Labour’s election drubbing (which, incidentally, Hartlepool notwithstanding, was nowhere near as bad as everyone is saying, but one must protect the narrative at all costs), some of the actual appointments have raised eyebrows among the commentariat.

For example: while few people were surprised to see Angela Rayner removed from her job as campaign director, her new title - Shadow Secretary of State for the Future of Work - has struck some people as rather odd, not least because there is no ACTUAL Secretary of State for the Future of Work in the real cabinet for Ms. Rayner to be shadowing.

And why the hell not, say I. If the Leader of the Opposition finds the selection of ministerial posts in the real cabinet to be too boring and limited to be worth shadowing, he should be at liberty to make up some fun new ones. He needs to do something to cheer himself up at the moment in any case (or indeed, wake himself up).

Knock yourself out, Sir Keir. Appoint a Shadow Minister of Bewilderment. A Shadow Secretary of State for Impotent Rage. A Shadow Under-Secretary of Self-Esteem. Establish the Shadow Department of Blithe Optimism. Or an ACTUAL Ministry of Sound (that’ll bring the Generation X votes back). 

At least it’d look like you’re doing something.

CAN’T EVEN BE BOTHERED MOMENT OF THE WEEK

One reads that Boris Johnson the prime minister is “under investigation“ by the Parliamentary Standards Committee as to whether his £15,000 holiday in Mustique was improperly funded and declared.

Well, whoop dee doo.

Why is this even being reported? Is there anybody out there who actually believes this will come to anything? What does “under investigation“ even mean? And who is actually doing the investigating?

Last I checked, the “scandal” of who paid for the refurbishment of the prime minister‘s flat was being “investigated” by none other than the Prime Minister himself.

Look, let’s not even kid ourselves that anything can touch Boris Johnson right now. He bears a quite literally charmed life, and will continue to do so until the precise moment that the Conservative party decides he’s an electoral liability, rather than just a liability in every other possible sense of that word.

GRATUITOUS ONE-LINER OF THE WEEK

The prime minister has said that we must all be cautious when engaging in physical contact, so there really is a first time for everything.

POEM OF THE WEEK

On both sides of the Atlantic
They’re sounding a similar note
They’ve changed regulations
To add complications
They don’t want poor people to vote.
In state after state of the Union
They’re passing their bills as they gloat
To add to the queues
And election day blues
They don’t want poor people to vote.
And Britain we see
You’ll need photo ID
Before voting, so we can intuit
That Tories think voting’s
Like hunting and boating
(It’s vulgar when poor people do it).
The chances of stopping it happening 
Are looking extremely remote
Don’t look so surprised 
When you’re disenfranchised 
They don’t want poor people to vote.

What do you think? Have your say on this and more by emailing letters@theneweuropean.co.uk

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