Sing along with Mitch Benn's Christmas 2020 songbook

Sing along with the Mitch Benn Christmas 2020 songbook

Sing along with the Mitch Benn Christmas 2020 songbook - Credit: Archant

Keep your spirits high with The New European's alternative Christmas songs, specially penned for the season by columnist Mitch Benn


Shop bells ring, no-one’s listening

On the shelves, things are missing

A worrying sight, we’re hungry tonight

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Starving in a Brexit Wonderland

Gone away is the old deal

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Here to stay is the no-deal

The chains of supply

Have all gone bye-bye

Chaos in a Brexit Wonderland

In the meadow we can build a Boris

Out of snow and twigs and crown him King

By the morning he will all be melted

But still he’ll be more use than the real thing

Later on we’ll conspire

And set our furniture on fire

To burn while we sleep

And that’s how we’ll keep

From freezing in a Brexit Wonderland

(To the tune of Slade's Merry Xmas Everybody)

Are you hanging up your mask upon your face?

The elastic round your ears keeps it in place?

Are you keeping social distance

Three people to a room?

Are you greeting all your family on Zoom?

So here it is, Covid Christmas

Wash your hands until they’re clean

Look to the future now

And dream of the vacci-i-ine


Frosty the no-man

Had a real big job to do

He was sent to seal

A revised trade deal

With the rest of the EU

Frosty the no-man

Went to Brussels so they say

He’d been told “Say no”

“To everything” and so

He was told to go away


Have yourself a merry little Brexit

Starting January

From then all our troubles increase drastically

Have yourself a merry little Brexit

Though it’s hard to do

From now on we’re gonna miss the old EU

Here we are on our own again

All alone again, this year

Faithful friends who would stick with us

Are now sick of us, it’s clear

Through the years we’ll all be stuck together

Travel’s not allowed

Our passports are blue

But they don’t work somehow

So have yourselves a Merry Little Brexit now

(To the tune of Jona Lewie's Stop the Cavalry)

Hey Mr. Johnson comes over here

To say Britain’s doing splendidly

Not that he would know any day he’ll go

On his Caribbean holiday

Yes he is a toff

I have had enough

Can we stop the To-ories?

They’ve made life a bitch

And each other rich

Down throughout the centuries

Played us for a mug

Glib and rich and smug

Can we stop the To-ories?

Carrie Symonds sits again

All alone in Number 10

She’s left holding her big baby

Where oh where can Boris be?

Bung! Goes another big

Taxpayer-funded gig

To somebody’s wife or hubby

Though they’re cleaning up

Don’t call them corrupt

This is just a chumocracy

No they can’t complain

On that gravy train

Can we stop the To-ories?

Dubber dubber dumb dumb

Dubber dubber dumb

They think we’re dubber dumb

Dubber dubber dumb

Wish they could be gone by Christmas...


You better not yawn

You better not sigh

You better not laugh

I’m telling you why

Donald Trump is coming to town

He’s bringing a list

Of foolish lawsuits

They’ll all be thrown out

With derision and hoots

Donald Trump is coming to town

He sues you when you’re sleeping

He sues you when you wake

Though everybody knows he lost

He insists there’s some mistake

So get some popcorn

And watch because this

Slow motion train wreck

You don’t want to miss

Donald Trump is coming to town


Well the weather outside is dreary

And we’re trying to be cheery

But we’re British so it’s a pain

Let it rain, let it rain, let it rain

Well we long for snowy weather

But instead, it’s just whatever

So we stay in and complain

Let it rain, let it rain, let it rain

When we finally get some snow

It’ll be at the wrong time of year

In February don’t you know

Is when it will usually appear

Then the country will be closin’

‘Cos our roads will all be frozen

But for now it’s just grey and plain

Let it rain, let it rain, let it rain


Last Christmas you wanted our votes

But the very next day you threw them away

This year we’re living in tiers

And the country is looking dreadful

Last Christmas you had a good deal

But as soon as you won it all came undone

This year your failure is clear

Some leadership is essential


I’m dreaming of a sane Christmas

Just like the ones we used to get

When the land was stable

And we were able

To sleep, not lie awake and fret

I’m dreaming of a sane Christmas

Before the country lost its brain

My your days be simple and plain

And may all your Christmases be sane

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