Brexiteers Of The Week: Nigel Farage thinks Donald Trump will turn Covid-19 diagnosis into a "triumph"

Donald Trump and Nigel Farage

Donald Trump and Nigel Farage - Credit: Archant

The contenders are...

BORIS JOHNSON

With no good news to announce, the prime minister’s big party conference idea was  - in the words of the immortal Mark E Smith - to talk a lot of wind. The UK is going to become “the world leader in clean wind energy” by 2030, he promised. Just imagine how much extra power could be generated by hot air like that! 

Alas, Johnson’s new wheeze will inevitably result in yet another Tory rebellion, with opposition coming from rural MPs who want the countryside (the bits in their constituency at least) left unspoiled by wind farms. Also dead against the idea will be Conservative climate sceptics who believe that wind farms have “failed to pull the skin off a rice pudding” - as the PM himself said in 2013!

CHARLES MOORE

The BBC-hating Telegraph columnist withdrew from the running to be named chair of the corporation’s board for “family reasons”, although his own paper reported Auntie “would have had to inflate the salary it pays its chairman to at least £280,000 to attract him to the role.”

The current BBC board chair takes home £100,000, meaning 1,142 license fees at £157.50 each would be needed top-up the salary to the extent that Moore’s supporters apparently believe he is deserving of. Moore himself wanted the fee abolished and replaced with free choice for consumers - how many of them would have elected to pay him a fortune rather than fund, say, Radios One and Two, which he wanted to scrap?



JAMES CLEVERLY


The misnomer for Braintree appeared on BBC Breakfast to explain why Boris Johnson was doing a cracking job despite a recent YouGov poll revealing that 57% of voters think he’s doing a bad one.

“We are still getting on with the things that we said we would do to repair the country that we inherited from Labour,” Cleverly Clogs pleaded. Of course! It’s all the fault of the party who were last in power a decade and three prime ministers ago!

It’s worth reminding ourselves that Gordon Brown left office on May 11, 2010, and the Conservatives have held power for over 3,800 days since. To think that some Tory MPs claimed that Big Ben’s repairs were taking too long!

But the Brexiteer of the week is...

NIGEL FARAGE

Separated by the Atlantic and Covid-19 they may be, but the nicotine-stained man-frog is still willing to flip out his sticky tongue towards Donald Trump’s capacious rear end. Beginning a series of media appearances in the run-up to the US election, Farage derided Joe Biden supporters as “awful and intolerant people” (pot, meet kettle) while heaping praise on the stricken president.

“He will own the Covid agenda and neutralise Biden on this issue,” predicted Nige, no doubt mindful of how Boris Johnson has owned the Covid agenda and neutralised Keir Starmer since contracting the virus.

Farage told the Telegraph that Trump was ready to “turn disaster into triumph” with his quick exit from hospital, asking “Which other leader in the Western world would do this?” The answer is “none, because the rest aren’t idiots.”

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