BREXITEERS OF THE WEEK: Ann Widdecombe proposes shopping hour for face mask protesters

STEVE ANGLESEY takes a look at the Brexiteers making the headlines for all of the wrong reasons.

ANN WIDDECOMBE

The former Tory MP and Brexit Party MEP has joined the list of libertarians who have reacted to Boris Johnson's approval for face coverings by, erm, covering their faces in horror. 'I suspect that mask-haters will, as will I, avoid the shops as much as possible,' she told readers of the Daily Express.

But there's light at the end of the tunnel, for Ann has had a BIG IDEA. 'Perhaps shops should allow certain hours when the mask dissenters can shop unmuzzled in the same way as they have allocated special times to the elderly,' she wrote. If we can now negotiate with Covid-19 and persuade the virus not to be contagious between the hours of, say, 8am-9am, I think she is on to a winner.

ALOK SHARMA

Without a hint of irony or self-awareness, the business minister tweeted: 'Seamless trade is vital for our economy, boosting business, supporting jobs, and ensuring consumers get the best deal. Our Internal Market plans will make sure it's business as usual, with trade continuing to flow between all four nations of the UK.'

While it's good to hear that there will be no impediment on the movement of lambswool to Land's End and oats to John o'Groats, how exactly does 'seamless trade is vital for our economy' square with the impending tariffs-and-checks Brexit Sharma and his colleagues are about to inflict on 'all four nations of the UK', even though two of them didn't even vote Leave in the first place?

MORE: Nigel Farage's attempts to spark another 'Brexit' in Italy

TIM MARTIN

The man who looked in need of a post-lockdown haircut before lockdown was even invented has been ranting about the media in the pages of his pub chain's in-house magazine Wetherspoon News. 'The press often, but not always, bends the truth out of any recognisable shape, in pursuit of a story,' he wrote.

The same might be said of Martin himself, who has repeatedly claimed that massive EU tariffs were preventing Britons from getting great deals on Brazilian oranges, Basmati rice from Bangladesh and Australian wines. When challenged on this he admitted some of his claims had been incorrect but blamed a 'Byzantine moving feast of complexities' – which sounds suspiciously like 'it was too difficult to work out the truth'!

THE INNOCENT

'It was all a hoax, apologies are due,' declared Nigel Farage. 'After all the hysteria that Brexit was fixed by the Russians... turns out it wasn't. A lot of humble pie to be eaten by conspiracy theory Remoaners today,' crowed former MEP Martin Daubney. 'It shows that this whole conspiracy theory was a load of old rubbish,' insisted Westmonster hack Michael Heaver.

Of course the Russia report says nothing of the sort, with the word 'Brexit' only mentioned twice. But now there won't be any investigation into Russian involvement in the 2016 referendum because the Russia report didn't uncover any Russian involvement in the 2016 referendum largely because the Russia report committee didn't investigate Russian involvement in the 2016 referendum in the first place. Move along now, nothing to see here...

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