The Great Brexit Christmas Song Book

STEVE ANGLESEY adapts a few Christmas classics for New European readers in the mood for a singalong. Altogether now...

(To the tune of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer)

Boris the Bare-Faced Liar

Had an ever-growing nose

Each time he told a porky

It looked like Pinocchio's

All of the Remain voters

Used to laugh and call him names

They didn't know old Boris

Doesn't have a sense of shame

(To the tune of Mistletoe And Wine)

Christmas time

Michael Gove still whines

Poor thing's married to Sarah Vine

Wants a Hard Brexit for you and for me

He makes us nostalgic for the old EEC

(To the tune of While Shepherds Watched)

While shepherds watched Liam Fox by night

Their jaws all hit the ground

The trade he'd told us would be free

Cost 39 billion pound

(To the tune of Winter Wonderland)

Nigel here

Are you listening?

All Remoaners

Are quislings

Although I talk shite

I've done quite alright

Walking in a Farage wonderland

Gone away, is the EU herd

Here to stay, is my new bird

I'll sing a love song,

As we go along

Walking in a Farage wonderland

In the meadow I will build a straw man

And pretend the Turks will come to town

It isn't really true but I'll say 'oh man

They'll take all your jobs

And make you frown'

Later on

I'll conspire

To throw sense

In the fire

You lot jump off a cliff

I'll be in the gold lift

Walking in a Farage wonderland

(To the tune of Deck The Halls)

Brexit? Balls, it's total folly

Fa la la la la, la la la la!

Rees-Mogg is a complete wally

Fa la la la la, la la la la!

Clad in his antique apparel,

Fa la la, la la la, la la la!

Singing Latin Christmas carols

Fa la la la la, la la la la!

(To the tune of Merry Christmas Everyone)

Letters fallin'

All around me

Simon Brodkin

Having fun

And I'm coughing

Show some understanding

May's Christmas, everyone

(To the tune of Fairytale of New York)

It was Christmas Eve, babe

In the think tank

Steve Bannon said to me,

'Trump is the chosen one'

And then he sang a song

About the blacks and Jews

I turned my face away

And dreamed about you

He's got cars big as bars

He's got lifts made of gold

And he'll probably grope you

Unless you are old

When I shook off his hands

And attempted to leave

He promised me

Breitbart was waiting for me

He's not handsome

Not pretty

(but he's from New York City)

And when Mueller is finished

He'll howl out 'no more'

Michael Flynn is still singing

Of gifts Putin was bringing

They're going to corner

The entire alt-right

The boys of the FBI choir

Are singing 'time's up, chump'

And the cells are waiting now

For Donald Trump

(To the tune of Once In Royal David's City)

David Davis; what a pity

Credibility in shreds

Didn't have those Brexit papers

Turns out they were in his head

He claimed they did not exist

He must have been completely pissed

(To the tune of Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas)

Have yourself a Jerry Corbyn Christmas

Let your heart be light

Keep your views on Brexit safely out of sight

Have yourself a Jerry Corbyn Christmas

Careful what you say

From now on, we'll agree with Theresa May

In five years we'll all be back in power

If the fates allow

So hang the Morning Star upon the highest bough

And have yourself a Jerry Corbyn Christmas now

(To the tune of Wonderful Christmas Time)

I walked on Mars

I won the Cup

Was a team captain

On Call My Bluff

Simply having a Paul Nuttall Christmas time

Simply having a Paul Nuttall Christmas time