This film director will come round to show you his new anti-Brexit movie… but there’s a catch
DAVID TARBOX is happy to come to your social club to show you his new film. He asks just one thing in return
So I've got a real problem. I've made a short film about Brexit, but I don't think anyone wants to see it.
Been asking friends to watch it. The most common reply? 'How long is it? 13 minutes?' Oh I can't watch it now'' Runner-up are: 'I didn't get round to it', 'I did watch it… for 40 seconds'; and 'I'm not sure I understood it, do you want to watch my film?'
These are my friends and they don't give a shit,. And I can see where they're coming from. Why would you gamble with 13 minutes of your life when you could spend it in your bubble on Facebook? Let's face it, it takes a lot of time, money and effort to get people's attention these days.
People say, 'put it on the internet, it might go viral'. Nope. Trying to go viral is like playing a fruit machine - it rarely pays out, and you put more in than you get out.
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Others people say 'enter it into a film festival'. That's easy enough, you just give the organisers £40. And then two months later they say it's been 'not selected'. With no reason, no feedback. Just not selected. Can you feel my desperation?
I've worked hard on this, and until recently I despaired that it was never going to be seen. That I was going to let down the actors and the tiny crew of helpers.
- 1 This chumocracy is costing our country
- 2 Bob Geldof takes swipe at No 10 saying 'lying is second nature' to them
- 3 Jacob Rees-Mogg says it's 'all the EU's fault' musicians can't tour Europe
- 4 Fifteen ways to fix Britain
- 5 Tory minister admits UK rejected EU's music visa offer in order to 'take back control' of borders
- 6 Tory MP complains 'less scrutiny of trade deals' than when UK was in EU
- 7 Piers Morgan tells Gavin Williamson to resign for being a 'catastrophe'
- 8 Poll finds Brexit-backing Wales would vote to rejoin EU
- 9 Labour to force vote on retaining workers' rights as Brexit threatens holiday pay and 48-hour week
- 10 Who's on the BBC's Question Time tonight?
Which is why I'm here in The New European. I'd like to ask you, yeah you, if I can I come round to your social club, garden centre, pub, pilates class, granola refinery, book club, pet rescue or pétanque club and show you my film?
And I really will come over, but can I ask one thing... that you invite a Leaver?
I'm not joking. This serves a practical purpose. We can watch the film (did I mention it only takes 13 minutes?) and then we can hang out and talk about it all - the film, Brexit, everything.
And don't tell me you don't know any Leavers. We all do. My family is probably split 52/48. I still love them and actually they are a lot of fun.
And talking of family, I want to finish with a George Orwell quote, from the Lion and Unicorn: 'A family with the wrong members in control – that, perhaps, is as near as one can come to describing England in a phrase.'
So let me know if you want me to come over. See you next week, about 8pm?
Contact firstname.lastname@example.org to invite me over.
Website - CarryOnKeepCalm.co.uk
Twitter - @BadSatNav1
Film Stars - Tom Meeten, Alex Kirk, Beth Rylance, Ella Anisworth and Sean Reynard.