This Christmas joke about Dominic Cummings has been voted the best of the year
- Credit: PA
A joke about Boris Johnson's former aide Dominic Cummings has topped the list of the top Christmas cracker jokes in the UK.
TV channel Gold's eight annual rankings - chosen by a panel chaired by critic Bruce Dessau - saw 2,000 voters choose a gag about the Vote Leave mastermind.
"What is Dominic Cummings’ favourite Christmas song? Driving Home for Christmas" was chosen as the top cracker joke of the year.
Other entries included Covid-19 humour - with jokes about self-isolating, Zoom, and Eat Out To Help Out. Donald Trump and prime minister Johnson also featured in the list.
A second joke about Cummings playing Monopoly also made the Top 20 jokes.
The winning entry - Craig from Manchester - won £1,500 towards a holiday and a bespoke set of crackers - with his own joke included.
You may also want to watch:
The Top 20 Christmas Jokes
1. What is Dominic Cummings’ favourite Christmas song? Driving Home for Christmas.
- 1 This chumocracy is costing our country
- 2 Nigel Farage loses nearly 50,000 followers after Twitter suspends QAnon accounts
- 3 Fifteen ways to fix Britain
- 4 Michel Barnier tells UK to be 'very careful' in Brexit diplomatic status row
- 5 Bob Geldof takes swipe at No 10 saying 'lying is second nature' to them
- 6 Independent SAGE adviser gives scathing assessment of Priti Patel's £800 Covid fines
- 7 Jacob Rees-Mogg says it's 'all the EU's fault' musicians can't tour Europe
- 8 Tory minister admits UK rejected EU's music visa offer in order to 'take back control' of borders
- 9 George Osborne hopes for Brexit dividend
- 10 Holyrood in talks with EU to extend Erasmus scheme to Scottish students
2. Did you hear that production was down at Santa’s workshop? Many of his workers have had to Elf isolate!
3. Why didn’t Mary and Joseph make it to Bethlehem? All Virgin flights were cancelled.
4. Why are Santa’s reindeer allowed to travel on Christmas Eve? They have herd immunity.
5. Why did the pirates have to go into lockdown? Because the “Arrrr!” rate had risen.
6. Why is it best to think of 2020 like a panto? Because eventually, it’s behind you.
7. Why couldn’t Mary and Joseph join their work conference call? Because there was no Zoom at the inn.
8. Why can’t Boris Johnson make his Christmas cake until the last minute? He doesn’t know how many tiers it should have.
9. What do the Trumps do for Christmas dinner? They put on a super spread.
10. Which Christmas film was 30 years ahead of its time? Home Alone.
11. How do you play Dominic Cummings Monopoly? Ignore the rules, move anywhere on the board you like, and never Go To Jail.
12. Why won't Santa lose any presents this year? He's downloaded Sack and Trace.
13. How is the pandemic like my stomach after Christmas? It'll take ages to flatten the curve.
14. How is Prince Andrew coping with the stresses of Christmas this year? Fine. No sweat.
15. Why wasn't Rudolph allowed to take part in vaccine trials? Because they only wanted guinea pigs.
16. Which Government scheme supports Christmas dinner? Eat Sprout To Help Out.
17. How can you get out of talking to your boss at this year's staff Christmas party? Put him on mute.
18. How does Santa keep track of all the fireplaces he's visited? He keeps a logbook.
19. Who dresses in red and gives to the children this Christmas? Marcus Rashford.
20. Why did Mary and Joseph have to travel to Bethlehem? Because they couldn't book a home delivery.
Become a Supporter
The New European is proud of its journalism and we hope you are proud of it too. We believe our voice is important - both in representing the pro-EU perspective and also to help rebalance the right wing extremes of much of the UK national press. If you value what we are doing, you can help us by making a contribution to the cost of our journalism.