We pick the worst Brexiteers of the week
The owner of the Brexit-worshipping Daily Mail is pondering taking the paper’s HQ to Dublin to avoid the worst effects of Brexit, according to his friend the Duke of Marlborough. Jamie Spencer-Churchill told The Times: ‘He’s thinking about moving his whole operation to Ireland’. Surely Milord – comfortably domiciled in France for tax reasons while his paper continues to lash tax-avoiding BBC stars – would not countenance such hypocrisy.
With time on his hands after announcing he will step down as a UKIP MEP – a decision which he’d been planning for ages and was definitely nothing to do with facing a £100,000 bill for illicitly employing a party worker as his assistant in Brussels – Roger has turned his considerable intellect to TV criticism. ‘Doctor Who to regenerate as a woman,’ he tweeted in the aftermath of Jodie Whittaker’s hiring. ‘Maybe next time as a golden retriever?’ Even better, what about the 14th incarnation of the Time Lord being a cantankerous old sexist who believes his views are somehow credible? No, too unbelievable…
Last seen being accused of smoking cannabis in a Cardiff budget hotel (a claim she denies), the UKIP AM for North Wales is now on a bum trip and being hassled by the man after tape emerged of her calling Chuka Umunna ‘a f***ing coconut’.
The same recording, made by a former staffer last year, shed light on Michelle’s unorthodox approach to recruitment. Discussing the process in which she hires her brother, formerly a garage worker, as an £18,000-a-year Assembly-funded caseworker, Ms Brown said: ‘I’ve given Richard the job. He’s got no experience, he’s got no qualifications for it.’
UKIP’s interim leader displayed a keen sense of irony when he issued a statement declaring ‘the Conservative Party has ceased to exist as a recognisable entity’. If any party knows about ceasing to exist it’s got to be the ‘Kippers, who last weekend lost control of their only council, Thanet.
Unpleasant things tend to happen when a Fox enters the henhouse. So it proved when the international trade secretary declared himself ‘open’ to Brits eating chicken sprayed with chlorine, hormone-treated beef and pork washed with lactic acid. Alas, this turned out not to be Heston Blumenthal’s latest menu but the cost of a USA free trade deal, which would require Liam, sweatily fingering a bolt gun, to take EU food safety standards out to the barn before returning to explain they’d gone off happily to live on a farm somewhere far away.
It capped an impressive few days for the sadly unendangered Fox, in which he demanded the BBC broadcast more positive news about the economy and went all Scooby Doo villain when he proclaimed a free trade deal with the EU should be ‘one of the easiest in human history’ but that might not happen if ‘politics gets in the way of economics’.
Lost in all the hilarity over the tobacco-stained man-frog brandishing a fake Article 50 clause was his rant in the same LBC show against ‘these unelected people’ in the EU. Farage namechecked 18-time election winner Michel Barnier in the broadcast and also has it in for seven-time election winner Jean-Claude Juncker, who became president of the European Commission after being the lead candidate of the party which won most seats at the 2014 Euro elections.
It’s worth noting Nigel Farage has said he would ‘rather fancy the job’ of unelected UK ambassador to the USA and declared he would seek a place in the unelected House of Lords ‘when I’m old’.
‘I want to be a leader with a big L and a little l,’ wrote the Yorkshire and North Lincolnshire MEP as she announced her candidacy to replace three-time Ballon d’Or winner Paul Nuttall. It can’t have escaped her notice one word with a Big L and a little l is Legal. That word has occupied her of late as she faces potential bankruptcy having failed to pay £358,000 in damages and costs after falsely claiming three Rotherham MPs were aware about child grooming gangs in the town but ignored them because of political correctness.
Can’t wait for Dan Brown’s new book Origin to come out in October? Looking for another tale in which a brave, brainy hero races around the globe unlocking the deadly secrets of a secretive sect? With a plot in which, as the blurb explains, ‘a courageous reporter… takes us where few journalists have dared to tread… revealing areas that Western governments don’t want to admit exist’?
Ooh, like Area 51 then? Not quite, for this is No Go Zones by failed UKIP leadership candidate turned ‘courageous reporter’ Kassam and the travelogue takes in areas like San Bernadino, California (billed by Kassam as ‘a No Go Zone of the mind’, whatever the hell that is), Malmö, Sweden and ‘the heart of London, England – where infidels are unwelcome, Islamic law is king, and extremism grows.’
Curiously, Raheem’s publishers have erroneously listed No Go Zones as non-fiction.
‘I’ve never been a Corbynista… my loyalty is to the Labour Party,’ the shadow international trade secretary insisted in late May. A surprise, then, that in late July he could be found calling continued membership of the Customs Union ‘a disaster’, despite official Labour Party policy being ‘a strong emphasis on retaining the benefits of the Single Market and the Customs Union’ and shadow Brexit secretary Keir Starmer insisting that membership must be left on the table for now.
Not so much Captain Pugwash as Captain Hogwash, Hatey Katie’s role with one of her remaining employers, MailOnline, appears to be in doubt after a promised series of columns on her seafaring adventures mysteriously failed to appear.
Hopkins announced last week that she was ‘setting out to defend the Med’ with the Defend Europe group on a boat called the C-Star would be writing about it ‘all week on MailOnline’.
Amazingly, it turns out that not all the shipmates on a boat with a mission to hamper the rescue of refugees at sea were jolly sailors.
One, who Katie happily posed with for a since-deleted Twitter photo, turned out to be Sweden-based holocaust denier Peter Sweden. Perhaps not coincidentally, Katie’s sole column on the subject for MailOnline was removed after a couple of hours. Will editor Martin Clarke finally throw her overboard?