Stockpile L’Occitane, Veuve Clicquot and Evian for a no-deal Brexit, says glossy magazine

Royal Ascot racegoers. Will they be stockpiling Veuve Clicquot for a no-deal Brexit? Picture: Mike Egerton/PA Wire/PA Images - Credit: PA Wire/PA Images

As the nation steels itself for potential shortages of loo roll, essential medicines and fresh vegetables, spare a thought for the refined needs of Tatler readers after a no-deal Brexit.

An online article about luxury Brexit stockpiling has been posted by high-end glossy magazine Tatler, and it is beyond parody.

“The Tatler guide to stockpiling for Brexit” firstly has no time for official advice against stockpiling in order to avoid mass panic and empty shelves.

“Is it a fad? Should we be doing it? In the event of a no-deal Brexit, we’ll all be glad we got on board,” says the author breezily.

The article notes that luxury industries have been taking note of the danger, reporting a “mass surge” of Swiss watches into the UK, while wine retailers Majestic “have secured up to 1.5million bottles of wine – putting themselves at risk of a looting in the worst possible scenario”, said the author.

But how will modern-day Marie Antoinettes stay hydrated after Brexit?

Tatler included Evian water in its definitive list of things the 1% will want to have locked in the luxury underground vault.

“Don’t let Brexit get in the way of a pristine, supple visage,” said the article, noting that clean water supplies may be compromised if we leave without a deal. “Start ordering your bottles and bottles and bottles of Evian now.”

Readers are also told to “buy in bulk” French extra virgin olive oil from Leoube, the Duchess of Sussex’ favourite macarons from Ladureée, and L’Occitane en Provence products to avoid a “vastly inferior” life with local equivalents.

Other products include Le Creuset cast iron casseroles to “restore normality”. Because “could a casserole be a casserole outside of a Le Creuset?”

Yes, Tatler. Yes it would.