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‘Just relax and forget about it’ – The book Dominic Raab could yet write

MITCH BENN imagines the books right-wing figureheads would release if only they had a few more holidays...

The writing is on the wall for Dominic Raab as criticism grows of the holiday he took during the American withdrawal from Afghanistan. Photo: Tolga Akmen/AFP via Getty Images

Still got some holiday time ahead of you? Whether you’re lounging at the beach, sitting in a quaint country cottage or floating in a drug-addled haze in the hot tub of some oligarch’s bunga-bunga palace, there’s nothing like a little light holiday reading to help you unwind.

With that in mind, here are some of this season’s best-sellers:

JUST RELAX AND FORGET ABOUT IT (self-care) by DOMINIC RAAB
Pressures of work getting to you? Are you constantly being pestered by annoying little people with their petty requests, like “Are you actually going to turn up this month?” or “For God’s sake switch your phone back on” or “Please help us, they’ve seized the airport and we’re all going to die”?

Well, take Cool Dom’s advice and just relax and forget about it! What are they going to do, fire you? Not this government. Just take a deep breath, kick back and take it easy. (£8.99, Sunlounger Press)

REGRET (romantic thriller) by ANDREW NEIL
Successful middle-aged entrepreneur Neil Andrews has been lured away from his decades-long marriage to his faithful but boring wife Barb by the promise of a wild, exciting affair with the much younger Gabby. Only now that he’s moved out of the family home does he realise that Gabby is not just vivacious and independently minded, but is in fact a bug-eyed conspiracy theorist given to making hugely insensitive statements about immigrants.
Is it too late to patch things up with Barb? Or should he just hide in his villa in France for the foreseeable future? (£19.99, Combover House)

TERROR FROM THE WATERS (SF/horror) by PRITI PATEL
From out of the sea they swarmed. There was no foul depravity they wouldn’t sink to… some of them had even gone so far as to destabilise their own country and allow it to be taken over by a murderous theocracy, just so they could foist their vile presence upon an unsuspecting island paradise.
Only one tiny woman stood in their way… (£12.99, Hostile Environment)

THE BIG BOOK OF BREXIT BENEFITS (puzzles/games) by LORD DIGBY JONES
Two hundred pristine blank pages which you can fill in yourself as and when all the many great things Brexit has done for the country become apparent!
(£1.99, Dead Horse)

THEY’LL NEVER SEE IT COMING (crime/thriller) by MICHAEL GOVE
They thought they’d seen the last of him… They thought he’d served his purpose… Even his woman had no further use for him. Left bleeding, battered and humiliated, he’d been forgotten by his friends and dismissed by his enemies.

But he’d show them. He’d show them all.

He’d take his bloodcurdling vengeance. Any day now. You just wait. Seriously. Soon as he figures out what to do.
(£8.99, Hatchet)

WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT ANDREW (psych/horror) by LIBEL SCRIBER
Liz, an ordinary suburban monarch, is gradually confronted with the inescapable fact that there’s something very, very wrong with one of her kids, and tortured by the suspicion that she should have noticed it sooner…
(£12.99 Hardback, Pizza Ex Press)

WEALTH YOURSELF UP (self-help) by RISHI SUNAK
Tired of the rat race? Sick of the 9 to 5? Ever wished you could make some serious money without seriously trying?

Well, you can – and everyone’s favourite chancellor is here to show you how!
All you need is pluck, gumption and a billionaire’s daughter who fancies you! (“It worked for me!” Mr I.D. Smith, Chingford)
(£29.99, Simon & Shyster)

HATE TO SAY I TOLD YOU SO (romantic comedy) by RORY STEWART
The touching story of a sweet young man who is right about everything, but continues to get ignored by everyone because he just doesn’t fit in with the cool kids.

And also because he looks like the desiccated corpse of Phil Daniels.
(£6.99, Lone Voice Press)

THE I-SPY BOOK OF FOREIGNERS (children’s activities) by NIGEL FARAGE
Look, there’s one! And another one! Don’t much like the look of him either! They’re bloody everywhere! And look, is that just a harmless old lady wearing a headscarf, or is she, you know, One Of Those? Join Uncle Nigel as he combs our nation’s beaches, streets and hospitals for interlopers!
(£2.99, Little White)

THE ANTI-VAXXERS’ BOOK OF VERSE (poetry) by GUNNER B. DEDSUNE
Includes such favourites as:

An old COVID truther called Herbie
Found vaccines too weird and disturby
So he treated his ills
With horse-worming pills
Now he’s winning the Kentucky Derby
and…
A Trumper was loudly objectin’
To the vaccine the docs were injectin’
He said, “Just wait a minute,
“We don’t know what’s in it”
Then swallowed some more invermectin
(£3.99, Tin Foil Hat)

See inside the August 25: How to fight fascism edition

Joe Biden gestures during a White House address in which he defended his decisions in Afghanistan. Photo: Anna Moneymaker/Getty Images

Joe Biden and the death of American empathy

Do not underestimate Joe Biden's decisions over the withdrawal of troops in Afghanistan - he knows what he is doing.

Tim Bradford’s What’s Going on? Has Joe Biden been a disappointment?