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Will Self

Multicultural Man: On It’s My Culture

Why shouldn’t hundreds of gay people gather in the woods at night to witness nude oiled wrestling between dykes?

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Multicultural Man: On family secrets

My great-great-grandfather’s behaviour transcends the stuffy confines of respectable churchmen in the 1880s

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Multicultural Man: On the Zulu Home

The story of my great-great-grandfather and a killer cat

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Multicultural Man: On immigrants

A post office queue leads to a disarming encounter

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Multicultural Man: On Proust

A little morsel of madeleines, put it in a teaspoon and dipped in tea, summons memories of In Search of Lost Time

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Multicultural Man: On Alan Clarke

In the 1970s the three broadcast channels all had regular teleplays and anyone who wanted to write drama seriously was drawn into television

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Multicultural Man: On hair

With many ageing males, the locus of anxiety is, of course, an actual locus on the head

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Multicultural Man: On the London marathon

The spectacle of this great host of well-meaning folk aroused in me yet more carping and cavilling

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Multicultural Man: On crying

Is crying such a bad thing? I’ve been doing a lot of it recently, for reasons regular readers will be aware of, and it never ceases to help

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Multicultural Man: On View-Master

If I want to see the Alps nowadays, all I have to do is pick up my View-Master, point it in the direction of a light source, and begin depressing the lever

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Multicultural Man: On pilgrimages

A pilgrimage on foot from London to Canterbury is par for the course of this very pedestrian life

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Multicultural Man: On beards

I have decided to grow a beard – my mission is to reconcile the two most antipathetic faith communities of London in the contours of my own face

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Multicultural Man: On churchgoing

Church is one of the only places in London with black and white people doing something wholeheartedly together that isn’t working for the goddamn man

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I’ve got news for you.. satire is dead

As a new series of HIGNFY approaches, its comedy is now preaching to the converted, and feels toothless in an age of virtue signalling but no virtue.

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Multicultural Man: On DIY

When it comes to working with my hands I am a dunce. Enter Rashad and Google Translate

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Multicultural Man: On no-go areas

Paul Scully says Tower Hamlets in east London has “no-go areas”. How would he know?

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Multicultural Man: On food

An Indian mission to feed hungry British students makes for a bizarre reversal

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Multicultural Man: On TV licensing

Everyone must die – and so must broadcast TV

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Multicultural Man: On the church

In order for churches to be properly cherished they’ll have to welcome in people of other faiths and no faith at all

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Multicultural Man: On micrography

A fountain pen gives an almost pervy sensation of smooth abandon as the nib unspools the long line of effort and beauty

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Multicultural Man: On assumptions

When ordering from a Japanese bakery a lot can be lost in translation

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Multicultural Man: On dresses

It would do men a lot of good to go out in a dress for a few days and feel the wind of change it occasions

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Multicultural Man: On coal

I’m old enough to remember what life was like before the generality of houses and flats were centrally heated – and now I’m experiencing it again

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Multicultural Man: On sherbet

The 1970s was an era as filthily culpable as any other and its only redeeming feature was the cheapness and availability of sherbet lemons

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Multicultural Man: Oh, and I have cancer

The predicament of cancerous smokers is a bit like that of Brexit voters: we all did something fucking stupid, knowingly, and now we’re paying the price

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Multicultural Man: On mosques

In a way, the Ahmadi feel like a very suburban, very pacific, rather twee and English sort of Muslim sect

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Multicultural Man: On bread

This is how the world ends – not with a bang, but whimpering about “open” crumb by people with more time, less sense, and more money than they should

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Multicultural Man: On the Bake Off

In terms of reflecting an idealised portrait of Britain, this year’s series has to have been, at best, troubling

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Multicultural Man: On allotments

When I was a kid, allotments were a kind of cliche: strictly for old-mannish types to potter around in. Not any more

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Multicultural Man: On heritage

Will greater and digitised access to our history result in a more enriched cultural future?

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Multicultural Man: On tins

To hold an old tin – many of which have pleasingly haptic qualities – is to feel one’s own hands gloved by ancient skin

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Multicultural Man: On Jehovah’s Witnesses

Why our columnist has taken to de-evangelising evangelists

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